It doesn’t feel like Christmas yet. It’s freezing cold, but no snow. The family is out of town on business again. The house is quiet which is nice for sleeping, but it’s lonely. They drive me completely mad when they’re here, but having them gone isn’t nice either.
December fills up with parties, events, productions, and more parties to the point of never seeing my boyfriend. Last year I wondered if I’d be married by this Christmas, or engaged… Now we hope for the next Christmas. He’s right for me, I’m right for him, but the timing isn’t yet. We’ll wait however long the Lord wants. He knows the future better than we do.
All of my “old friends” are in town for Christmas. N is home, and of course the rest of the boys. Austin texted me as soon as their plane landed. I ran into the girls at Ulta so they’re back for December. I avoided posting about the phone call I had with N because what’s the point? Last I mentioned him was… the car accident post? Everyone asks why you haven’t heard anything about N and that’s because we aren’t friends anymore. We can’t be. Just read that post and you’ll understand.
As much as you strangers love to read the drama, I’d like to forget for now.
One day It won’t be so serious, we’ll all laugh I’m sure when we’re both married and settled down. Hopefully. My boyfriend is very kind and forgiving but I can’t imagine him letting this one go.
We had a phone call, and he apologized. My dreams came back. 🙁
My town feels different, every public place I go I’m a little anxious. I don’t like going to stores alone, but I’d take going alone over my boyfriend meeting him. Someone will leave with a black eye or a broken something, or in a body bag. It would start friendly and casual. N would be overly gentlemanly and they’d judge each other like heck-in tons. Both parties are jealous of my opinions and the history I share with the other. My boyfriend wouldn’t be fake at all, he’d probably slam his face In as soon as distance allowed. N would purposefully be playful and tease, finding any excuse to touch my shoulder.
They’re like Incompatible chemicals. There is no point in making them friendly. It CAN NOT happen. EVER.
Merry Blogmas, goodnight friends.