In the past, when the blog was down I continued writing. But when my Mom died, so did I, and so did the blog. I hardly wrote down anything for the past two years, and I’ve wrote in a diary nearly every day since I was eight. It’s just a part of what I did, and who I was.
Coming back is HUGE for me. I’m giving myself permission to be okay without her and do the things I love again. The perspective is this: I’m thankful to have had a mom like I did. I’m blessed to be so connected to her. I will be okay, and I will see her again.
I was waiting for it to stop hurting, but I’m realizing that it never will.
I’ve learned some things and done some stuff while I was away. Mom was taken away from me, but I’m still struggling to say goodbye to her. Grief changes a person. I became my little brother’s fill in mom and eighth grade teacher. Seeing your baby brother lose his mom, that changes you too. I moved and got married. I’m absolutely crazy about the guy I’m spending all of my life with. We moved Mormor next door to us. Taking care of mom’s mom blesses me in a way I can’t explain. I discovered my calling. I finally figured it out. I’ll share on that later…
I’ve learned to be content in all situations of life. In loss and gain. With nothing or with everything. When I feel forgotten and when I feel completely spoiled with attention. It’s not just a scripture to memorize or randomly reference, (the abased or abound verse Paul wrote and everyone knows). Discovering a truth that’s so true the core of you shakes. Suddenly all of the puzzle pieces are clicking together for me. I’ve experienced that unfathomable peace that comes with having the truth.
Thanks for coming back and reading. I’m kinda freaking out. -Elaina
Elaine Kate 