Mom’s first dose of Immunotherapy was yesterday.
We haven’t had issues with the medicine, not anything that’s out of the ordinary. The doctors say it’s all going as planned.
They had to take her off of the steroids because it would alter how the Immunotherapy reacts with the body and we want it to work the best it can. Without the 12 mlg, she lost movement in her right side, she can’t talk or respond; she doesn’t open her eyes, and she can’t walk, eat, change, or go to the bathroom without help. Just thirty hours without steroids and every muscle in her body was cramping, she screamed all through the night.
I’m accustomed to waking up every hour feeling like I need to check on her, or waking up to the sound of dad throwing up at 2:00 am because he’s so stressed. Then I remember there isn’t anything I can do to help, so I just lay there until I fall asleep and wake up again.
I came home to Mormor shaking because mom didn’t even look alive when she got there this morning. My little brother doesn’t know how to feel, he just keeps asking if she’s okay. Dad was in such a hurry to get her to the appointment that he didn’t think to explain why mom looked how she did. Last week she could at least say 50% of what she wanted and hold a coffee cup, now she looks exhausted from just breathing.
I reassured them that everything was normal, the doctor warned us about this and it was all going as planned; then I locked myself in the bathroom and had a mental breakdown. Mom is still here but she’s not. The doctors say it’s normal but it’s still the worst thing I’ve ever watched. I hate seeing mom sleep through every day, I hate feeling how thin and frail she is when I put her socks on, or her veins looking like they’ll snap because her skin is paper thin; brushing her hair and realizing she didn’t wash the soap out, or finding pills in the bedsheets she thought she took. Wondering if we’ll be staying home or at the hospital tonight.
She said she loved me today and that nearly had me sobbing. I can’t wait for you to be better mom.
That’s all for now. -Elaina
Elaine Kate 