Elaine Kate

Hey hey! This is a "personal journal memory post" of my 18th surprise birthday party. If you want to get a glimpse inside the mind of a teenage girl, keep reading. + this might give you some inspo for throwing an original party. 😉 

06/29/19

I love my birthday and I like being older. I know I joke all of the time about not having any friends, but I really have the best. They made my birthday the most memorable. Those three idiots and B threw me a surprise party.

Here’s the story…

It all started with going out for ice cream to celebrate the loss of Keegan’s last baseball game. N’s early graduation present was fun to drive, I showed them my drifting skills and B dramatically collapsed onto the ground, kissing the concrete once I threw it in park. Don’t worry, I’m turned eighteen at 10:00am. We were perfectly safe.

Suddenly they all became very…weird. I had this suspicion that they were all hiding something. Everyone knew what I didn’t. We drove back to the field where all of our cars were and I just observed how awkward they all became, starting up small talk and B tucking her hair behind her ear every twelve seconds… We pulled up to B’s car and Austin blerts out “ YOU’RE MISSING YOUR NECKLACE!” I felt my neck and he was right, my little silver initial was gone “darn it that was real!!” I said. He was so sure that it must have fell off in the bleachers or on the field when we walked out. We turned on our phone flashlights and started searching.

The sun had set, the street lights flickered on and it was getting dark. N and I looked together while the others searched the places I had been the pass three hours. It looked like we were robbing the school, all you could see now were flashlights. “I haven’t given you your birthday present yet,” he said. “I bet you stole my lost necklace because you forgot it was my birthday. Hand it over,” I said. He laughed and unzipped his dirty baseball backpack and handed me a tiny silk grey box.

“My necklace didn’t have a box,” I said surprised. “I know you have freakish small wrists so I hope it isn’t too big,” he said. “It’s beautiful, but…” I said pausing, trying to give my brain time to figure out what to say. He held his phone over it so I could see it sparkle. His home screen is still Thumper.

I was expecting a new book, like last year. I didn’t know what to say.

“You deserve more honestly, but I thought it was pretty. They’re papers inside my car you’ll want to keep somewhere safe,” he said as B ran up to me. “Aww that’s cute.” She probably thought it was from Versona, but N knows I don’t wear fake jewelry.

I didn’t realize it cost more than my parent’s car until he gave me the papers.

Everyone was still searching for my necklace. I sat halfway in his car with the door open, reading the papers. “Why did you give this to me?” I asked. “Because, you work hard for everything. Even for birthday presents, you’ve grown up having to prove your thankfulness for stupid gifts. That’s not normal, he’s messed up and now you don’t know how to be treated. You deserve everything,” he said casually, grabbing the top of the car door. “People don’t ‘deserve’ anything” I said. “Well you do, you’re perfect and I want to give them to you.” Some seconds passed. “I can’t accept this, It costs more than most people’s wedding rings,” I said putting the papers back under the dash. “It’s not a wedding ring,” I said slowly, not looking at him but confirming we both knew that obvious fact.

“Aww, you’re going to make me cry,” he said as I put it in his pocket. “You’re giving it to me like it means something. I’m not sure what you’re trying to mean and I’m officially spooked.” I paused with stress and shut the door. “I just turned eighteen N, I don’t know where I’m going yet or what I’m doing. I haven’t picked a school or decided on my major. I don’t know where I’ll be living next year. My mom is sick.” I said a little flustered. “Hey calm down you’re okay. It’s just a bracelet,” he said glancing to my wrist. “It looks stunning on you, and that’s all.” looking at me for approval. “It’s okay to figure things out.”

“You just said ‘It looks stunning on me’ that’s what boyfriends say.” He smiled his dorky smile and said “Yep, but I’m not your boyfriend because you have feelings for someone else.”

“I don’t believe it. I think you’re just scared,” He said.

“I do have feelings for someone else. And yes, I am scared,” I said smirking, relieved that things are being out in the open finally. “How would he feel if he saw me wear it? Does it look like a friend gave it to me?”

“He would think it looked beautiful on you and realize that if he doesn’t get you, somebody else will. Easily.” He said it a little too seriously. “But you have all the power don’t you?”

“As you should.”

“Will you just wear it until I drop you off? Then you can take it off?” He said. “Sure,” I said. He put it on my wrist and had the proudest smirk on his face when he looked at it. I raised my eyebrows at him. “You’re annoying,” he said.

We walked to the middle of the field, it was pitch black now and the stars twinkled almost as bright as my wrist. My hair was down and super curly from swimming earlier, I had my swimsuit on under my shorts and t-shirt with dirt smudged on my cheeks from Austin, “Now you’re baseball pro ready” he said. “I don’t know how to play” I said. “I’m willing to teach a pretty girl” he said. “Stop flirting or I’m going to stop bringing you places,” N said annoyed at him. (Austin is a flirt, even with people he doesn’t like. He’s all heart though. He doesn’t mean anything by it, it’s just how he is).

You should have seen N when Austin grabbed my face with both hands and used his thumbs to wipe dirt on my cheeks. N’s was highly irritated. Maybe it was the whole gifting gone wrong and “I have feelings for someone else” talk earlier. Or just Austin, he kept looking over at him smirking, they have some teen boy drama going on I think. They’ve been best friends since kindergarten so they sorta fight all the time.

All of the blankets and chairs were packed up and gone, concessions were closed and trash cans were already emptied. It looked like we were the only ones there until…

…all of the lights switched on and fourty people screamed “SURPRISE!” There were fairy lights by the benches, and cupcakes; my dance friends jumped over the gates and ran to give me a hug. They hooking up their phones to the speakers. They played 18 by 1D and Five Seconds of Summer of course… (I’m not even sure if they had permission. Public school friends are such rule breakers and do whatever they want). The baseball team taught me how to play, apparently it is much different than softball (not really). “Losers have to jump in the lake after curfew next month at camp,” screamed some kid I didn’t know. I would have won if I wasn’t wearing Keegan’s ginormous batting helmet that tilted to one side. Has anyone watched Chicken Little? That’s what I looked like.

N didn’t want to invite more people but Keegan had the basketball team come. I didn’t even know them but they seemed to know me. They ran past the gates, each holding a flower and suddenly I was in the middle of a 15-person group hug. I suffocated by the smell of boy and too much cologne. Two of them lifted me up on their shoulders and I SCREAMED! I thought I was going to die. “Alright, alright that’s enough,” N said. “What N? She’s our ‘friend’ too” they said sarcastically. (That burned a bit. Also, they aren’t my friends, I only see them when I dance at their games). I appreciated their birthday wishes, but I only trust Libby and Lexi to lift me off the ground.

The basketball boys always give me the creeps, they stare and never think before they speak. At one point I was sitting on the sit-out bench talking to this kid Keegan invited. I didn’t know him and didn’t want to talk to him but I was trying to be nice. He kept laughing and licking his lips. I asked him. (He said some pretty inappropriate things that I don’t want any readers to read so I’m leaving that out). N came to sit by me, he was never too far off, “How do you know each other?” N said. “Sadly I’ve never had the privilage until tonight.” said the idiot guy. I was giving N the “please rescue me eyes” and he picked up on it.

He asked me what we were talking about, I re-told the conversation and to say he was mad would be an understatement. I’m still not sure why, but that’s only because I don’t understand the joke/comment, whatever it was. I asked him what the kid meant and He wouldn’t tell me. “Just don’t think about it, or him,” he said, “ and stop going and being nice to boys you don’t know, I feel like I have to tie you to a tree or something” he said.

I’ve noticed N acting different towards me as we’ve gotten older. He shows me more respect, not that he didn’t before, but I have to tell him to relax because he gets so tense.A few months ago he gave hints towards wanting to ask me out which absolutely threw me. He still knows how to have a good time but occasionally I’m asking him why he’s being so uptight and he never has an answer. I make a joke and he takes me seriously. If I’m ever talking to a guy he’ll come over and put his hand on my shoulder or quickly make dinner plans with me. Or, maybe it’s not that we’re getting older but the Clayton issue, (different post). When I’m asked to help tutor a kid and we meet at a coffee shop or the library he wants to come. If I stay at the school after a class he doesn’t want to leave until I drive home. Do guy friends usually act so protective? I’m hoping he’s not catching feelings, well after tonight I know he has. It’s always been jokingly until recently. He’s showing all of the symptoms of someone with a bad fever. He’s my best friend first, and I know he knows that but…

Sure, I’ve probably thought about it too. Once or twice. I just can’t help but know he’d ruin it all, even when I sorta want him to. I get uneasy about it. I don’t have peace and I can’t say that to him kindly. I don’t know if that’s nerves or the Holy Spirit protecting my life. Which sounds silly because it’s just N, he’d never hurt me. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean you should marry them and you all know how I feel about dating. I want to date my husband.

Growing up is complicated. I don’t even know why but I’m so set on something uncertain, I can’t shake it. It feels like I’m cheating even though I’m not. I don’t want to break N’s heart, and I felt like I nearly did tonight.

And that stupid gorgeous bracelet? Why can’t you just give a girl a cupcake or Ons for her birthday like a normal guy?

I mentioned something about the soccer party and how this guy stepped on a nail and beat me while hopping on one foot. His only comment was “that’s him?” I don’t know how he took that from the conversation. Perusal he’s right, but I didn’t tell him that. I’m not ready to be vulnerable when it comes to talking about a person that matters to me more than anything else, even If I don’t know why I feel this way. Especially when my heart would snap and kill me at one negative comment from “the guy” I have a huge crush on. He’s probably into blond skinny girls, hates me, and will never know I exist.

I’ll continue wasting my time thinking about him though even if it’s foolish. Why is it that every single boy wants to talk to you except for the one you like?

That’s life my friends.

The night came to an end and I went to Bella’s for a sleepover since it was Friday night, I lay there for a few hours thinking about everything that just happened. Thinking about N and how he’s been strange. Thought about S and how stupid I feel for thinking about him so much when we never talk. I thought about college, and dance, and how S’s name sounds in my head. Thinking about the diamond necklace my mom gave me for my birthday, how she told me not to date just anyone and to never say yes to be nice. I thought about my dad buying the diamond that hangs around my neck now, how he doesn’t know me and twenty-two years ago him promising to love my mom forever. “Forever” has arrived and he’s not here. Thought how I’m officially an adult and don’t feel like it. Then I thought about N again, the tone in his voice and the look on his face; what I’m going to do when he tells me he loves me? He’s such a good friend that I see how it would be easy to slip into something other than friendship and that scares me. How would I feel if he actually did? Why did he give me a diamond bracelet? It feels like it means something if I wear it. What would S think if he saw me wearing it, he seems to notice things, but then again, not when it comes to me. It doesn’t even matter. Then I thought about how big God is and how small I am and everything is right in my world again. I fell asleep at 2 a.m which is my normal summer sleep cycle anyway.

Thanks for reading. It is crazy how time can change so much. You won’t believe who called me… what am I going to do????

-Elaina