I know this is my third cancer post in a row, frankly that’s life as of late so that’s my blogging content.
Mom’s brain tumor was removed on August 18th, results came back as what we dreadfully expected: Malignant Melanoma, two words I’ve become very familiar with. Every doctor we see is full of fear, and I mean filled to the brim. From the tips of their toes to the ends of their perfectly jelled back hair, all I see is pure horror when they look at mom. This type of cancer makes every doctor hate their job, especially when they have mom as the patient: the sweetest little woman you’ll ever meet who loves Jesus more than anything. Thousands of cancerous microcells float in her unnoticed by PET/CAT scans. Next thing you know, you’re almost dead in the hospital, all of your kids are traumatized, your husband is just as unstable as you, and you’re getting immediate brain surgery.
I’ve hated every moment of this experience. It’s cancer, cancer sucks. At the same time, I’ve never felt so close to God while going through something so tremendously horrific. I’ve never leaned so much on my Pastor and my church family and it’s changing who I am somehow.
Around a year ago they recommended radiation treatments after her first lymph node surgery, (the same treatment that killed one of our best family friends many years ago), dad didn’t want anything to do with it. Most of the time it would seem that the cancer doesn’t kill you, the treatment and medicine will kill you first. This is when listening to your Pastors is REALLY crucial. My family has a tendency to hear what they want to hear. I continually find them tying themselves to a brick at the bottom of their ocean of bad decisions; mouth open wide, face first in wet sand, managing to muster up more pride until their physical body cannot bare it any longer. Then, they ask for help.
My family has not always been the smartest of families, the older I get the more I realize what a bad upbringing I had. Some of the things I was told replay occasionally in my head and it hurts my brain to think of them too long, it was just so stupid. My family does not listen, use wisdom or caution; my family does not like authority, it’s full of liars and cheaters, (the majority). If my parents would have obeyed our Pastor many years ago when he told dad to get life insurance or to follow through with medical treatments and check-ups or any of the other countless things I’m “too young” to know right now. I can only imagine that the position of their lives at present, would look entirely different.
My dad asked me how I was doing after the news; I wasn’t surprised that it came back as cancer, nobody except for him was either. I’ve been noticing that dad’s “faith” blocks him from reality, I don’t think he really believed mom had cancer until recently, it didn’t matter what doctors reports told him. It took her throwing up in the front yard and dragging her into the ER unconscious to wake him up. It took her forgetting how to speak, screaming in pain, and urgent brain surgery. It took too much, if I’m completely honest, I’m furious at my Father right now.
He’s scared, and of course, it’s scary, nobody wants to see mom suffer as she did. Why did he let her suffer for so long then? Ignoring your problems and believing God will take them away is not faith. Faith is taking action, not sitting back and pretending your problem doesn’t exist because you have “faith.” Faith has no fear, it has no doubts, and it should be backed by your Pastors when it comes down to life and death.
I have compassion for dad still, although I don’t want to.
This has been a long fight, mom and this cancer, but I know mom will win. It’s just more to add to the beautiful story that is her life. ❤️ I love you mom, I don’t doubt our God for a second; He is always mighty and willing. Whatever treatments, surgery, radiation, chemo, or if we do all of them; I know everything will be okay in the end.
Why you read my posts, I’m not sure; I truly appreciate it though. We’ve started a little blog family here. THANK YOU. -Elaina
Elaine Kate 