Death and cancer, we’re all way too familiar with these words. I’ve never met someone who wasn’t effected and hurt by cancer.
There are two ways you can respond.
When my mom came home from her doctor’s appointment Friday night, she casually told me that the doctor gave her 0% chances of living another month. She was diagnosed with stage 4 Malignant Melanoma: Sitting and spreading in her body without treatment for the past four years.
I sat on my mom’s bed not truly believing it. She told me her diagnosis like she tells me what she’s making for dinner. “I’ve got to go pick up papers from the hospital and milk from the store. Love you, be back in a few hours,” and she left.
Everything in my life that I thought was important suddenly didn’t matter. I sat there in the guest bedroom my mom slept in, her perfectly made twin sized bed and the stacked books under the night-stand, the room was full of sadness from a broken marriage where parents sleep in different bedrooms. Her diagnosis felt easier than being with Dad. Even though she sleeps in the guest bedroom and our family has so much hurt right now, God’s presence stills fills this bedroom. I cracked open the window to hear the birds chirping, the snow falling off the roof as the sun beats down on it, the smell of lavender fresh laundry filled the room since the window is right above the dryer vent. My God is too big, I thought. Right then I decided not to be scared of cancer.
I texted my coach and told her I wouldn’t make it to the Hip-Hop performance at North high that night, I wanted to be with mom. I explained everything to her and still she was mad that she had to fix formations in the routine. She told me I was being a bad team captain and letting the girls down. I didn’t care what she had to say at that point, does the woman have no heart? I lost the respect I had for my coach that night during our phone call. I won’t lie, it hurt me a lot to have her say those things to me, just not enough to matter for more than five minuets. When doctors tell you that your mom is dying, college, dance, scholarships, whatever it is; they lose their importance.
Mom’s faith is so strong, the cancer may be running through her body but their isn’t an ounce of fear. She’s home and recovering from surgery. They took out a lymph node in her leg to see where the cancer is traveling, we decided not to go the chemo route and we’re still waiting for results on the lymph node.
I’ve been able to come with her to most of her appointments, I enjoy seeing the doctors faces when they meet mom. She’s this incredibly happy, smiley cancer patient and it takes every doctor by surprise. Our God is so good, so merciful, so patient, so gentle, and so much bigger than this.
(For everyone asking, school is going really well. Senior Year is half way through and isn’t nearly as hard as I expected. Perhaps it’s just because all of my time goes to studying. People always think it’s impossible to get A’s in all your classes but truly it’s pretty simple. I spend all of my time either at home, the library, or a coffee shop and I study. Just don’t do anything fun. I’m only kidding… partially. Studying is my fun).
Thanks for reading my blog friends. -Elaina
Elaine Kate 